--weight dropped suddenly, could be a lot of water, but I weighted 177.8 this morning. 'been trying to make vegetables the center stage in dinner lately, fixed a vegetable tortellini soup the other day and last night fixed up several broccoli salad type meals and stored them in the icebox. Last night had broccoli pasta chicken type salad with a vinaigrette that was very good. I am continuing to work out daily; right now these consist mainly of running 2 miles or doing a weight routine at home. I've been handling emotional stress lately by praying and catching myself when I'm doing any type of angry self-talk and saying "Stop, I'm tired of being angry." I am also accepting that it may take a couple of weeks to run its course and then I'll bounce back; but regardless, despite the anger I'm doing well. I haven't binged and I haven't purged. I've certainly engaged in some overeating here and there. I'm working on not being in such a hurry, enjoying my food and using intuitive eating. I'm considering replacing the meal bars I usually have during the day with "real" food, but to be honest I am nervous about it. They seem to be working well for me.

Just jogged 2 miles and felt great. I think I felt lighter and stronger and I believe the regular exercise is beginning to reap some benefits already. I didn't weigh this morning; I can either be very obsessive about weighing and have unrealistic expectations or I can ignore the scale all together and be in denial about my weight and eating. Yesterday's weight was 181.0lbs, day previous was 181.6. On 11-28 it was 182.8. This is progress! Yet I can look at that 181 and be completely unrealistic and start wanting rapid weight loss which isn't good for me either. I threw up day before yesterday; however, I have been having a lot of emotional turmoil in my personal life and I think it's best not to beat myself over it. I did spectacularly up until the very end. Yesterday was a good day as well. I ate a little more than usual but I'm approaching that time of month and I usually feel an increase in hunger. My motivation is still good and feeling positive.

Had much better day, kept very busy. Feeling pretty good, keeping positive attitude. Realized I need to quit comparing myself to much younger new love interest of ex boyfriend, is unfair comparison. I am praying and it's working. I'm starting to feel like I really want this lady to love him like I loved him. I didn't spend too much time thinking of other thinner women today and instead felt excited about my new exercise routine and the results I'll certainly see eventually. Eating was pretty good. Meal bars, apple sauce, regular dinner of burger and salad, apples for late night snacks and jogged as I mentioned earlier.

----jogged 1.8 miles this morning, slowly. I figure I'm carrying 30 extra lbs so I don't beat myself up about it.

The workout.... either I jog between 1 and 2 miles... or I do these: exercise weight reps set curls bar+10 8 3 behind head ext 12 10 3 sitting presses 10 each hand 10 3 lunges 6 each hand 10 3 squats bar+10 10 3 kettle bell swings 35 10 2 kettle bell pulls 20 10 2 kettle bell hamstrings 35 12 2 donkey kicks 0 12 3

I'm never completely sure where I go wrong..... My ex on a date today with younger, thinner pretty woman Same woman my current boyfriend said was thinner, younger and pretty. My boyfriend cancelled coming over this evening. My daughter flew home today after 9 days gone. I have been looking at thin bodies all day. I threw up dinner. I'm going to finish up my workout and keep at it.

One idea I have is to find a person who's body and workout I'd like to emulate and learn from that person. My person is Laura. Laura has the most incredible figure I've ever seen. She works hard for it too. I figure if I work out even half as hard as she does, I'd be doing pretty well for myself. I couldn't meet her at the gym because my F#%@# car broke down. She told me to do lunges, squats and donkey kicks. She said to use Theraband. I don't have Theraband yet, but will purchase that later. For now, I'll do the squats and lunges.

My entries will no doubt be brief as I'm a busy professional, single mom, with a home and business to run; however, I thought a blog about bulimia and weight loss might not only help myself, but perhaps someone out there, if they should ever find this, might find it helpful or comforting. I've had bulimia since I was a 5th grader; I'm 37 now. My bulimia is A-typical, I've been told by a therapist in that I have reoccurrences of binge-purging but I'm not doing it every day. My objective for this blog is not to go into my past so much as to talk about what I'm doing now. However, when I am in a cycle of it, it feels horrific and I'm much relieved when I get a reprieve. Recently I've learned that dieting is actually contributing in a big way to my problem, and since I've stopped dieting (about 2 months ago) and starting using intuitive eating, things have improved drastically. I'm left however, with a body I'm still unsatisfied with. Which leads me to the purpose of this blog; I'd like to get in shape, lose body fat, tone up, and eat healthier without focusing on the negative components of dieting that send me over the edge. Thus far, I'm simply starting with focusing on what is healthy and not what is going to make me lose weight; a sort of mind game I have to play with myself. My intentions are to exercise daily, not kid myself about what I'm eating and how much I can eat, and snack on vegetables and fruits, especially in the evenings. My weight is 181 lbs and I'm 6 feet tall. I have a small to medium frame and estimate I'm about 25-30 lbs overweight considering my height and frame. So that's enough for now. I don't want to spend too much time writing and instead spend time recording completion of my intentions and the results and insights I might learn from them.